How Do You Measure Time In Hell?


(Originally posted 4/18/2018 No one read it because I didn’t know about SEO 😔)

This weekend my wife and I are trying to decide between two movies.

I want to see Black Panther before it’s out of theaters.

And she wants to see Shut The Hell Up, or Be Quiet You Bastards, or whatever that new horror movie is staring Jim from The Office.

So, one thing I know for sure.

I’ll be watching Black Panther on pay per view in three to five months.

Still Married


And that’s what marriage is all about it, isn’t it?

One person gets their way, and the other person spends the rest of their life wishing they’d catch a stray bullet.


Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

The Horror


My wife loves horror movies. We watch them all the time. It’s so fun. Something we do together.



Like HATE them, HATE them.

If I never saw another horror movie for the rest of my life I would be happy.



There’s something special in my diaper!

When I watch a horror movie, I get scared shitless. And I hate to get scared. I have horrible anxiety anyway.

Adding on to that just makes my blood pressure rise to skull exploding proportions.


Photo by Travis Grossen on Unsplash

To me, there’s no fun in getting scared. I don’t laugh afterward and go “Oh that was great! So fun!”

I have to get new underwear. And pants. And socks. And shoes.

And my makeup is ruined.

(Just kidding. My makeup is tear proof.)


Photo by Tony Hernandez on Unsplash

Crying and Pooping


What I’m saying is there is a lot of crying and pissing and pooping of the pants when I’m scared.

(That’s a line in one of the Take It Back stories, too. I hope you have read all 3 of them. I’m working on #4.)

But I suck it up and even act excited every time she picks a horror movie from Netflix.

And this weekend I’ll sit there in the movie theater trying to hide my tears and pissing into my Depends for two hours to make sure she has a good time watching the movie.


She looks happy.

And the whole time I’ll be praying for a stray bullet.


Her name is Stray. She has bullets.


Don’t forget about  

Crime Ring:


A Serialized Thriller


A new chapter comes on Wednesday!

And if you haven’t started reading Crime Ring, here’s a link to the first chapter, so you can start from the beginning!


Take It Back Series

Please follow me on all the social media thingys below:

I think on all of them I’m @draysbooks

I have a Tumbler, but it’s filled with dirty stuff.



You can get all the Take It Back novellas here: 

About D. Ray Thomas

Welcome to my bio that is perfect for a promotion packet both in length and content. From here on out I will speak of myself in the 3rd person.

D. Ray Thomas has written for most of his life and is now living his dream by writing the Take It Back stories. The series features part Robin Hood, part vigilante, Douglas Gage.

Ray’s love for the written word has shown itself in various forms. From years of performing his own material as a standup comic, to writing for television, and to ultimately writing stories in his favorite genre.

And, I won, this is kind of a big deal, I won, I mean, uh, Ray is a Daytime Emmy winner.

You can have an informed conversation with Ray about Broadway Musicals as well as all things baseball.

Ray now resides in Los Angeles, CA with his wife in a house run by their six cats. He hopes you enjoy reading his books as much as he does writing them.




Take It Back Book 1

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